Monday, January 16, 2012

Day Forty-Six : Steps

So, you know when you're depressed and hear the whole thing about "baby steps," which for me is frustrating because there's so much - maybe too much - I want to do.  And with the too much, I get overwhelmed and tend to look about for a pair of arms to run to ro someone to dream about.  This is better, but sadly, I am still unmotivated and spend way too much time thinking about how not to think about things while not doing the things that were supposed to keep me from doing the things I was thinking about.

That sentence totally made sense, I swear.

Anyway, I've been a little off lately, which has led me to lonely which has led my mind to dangerous hobbies (looking at potential mates on OKCupid, for instance, which was happily too depressing to go anywhere).  So in the spirit of CBT I will now write out five goals for the next day each evening.  And then not allow my mind to wander until they're checked off goshdarnit.  Today, being a holiday, they weren't too demanding ... update this blog (check), make cornbread muffins (check), load the dishwasher before my kitchen fills up with mold (check), make an appointment to see my shrink (check) and go to yoga (instead of continuing to cancel at the last minute because you hate it so much but still have 18 classes left on that pass you foolishly purchased a year ago) (kind of check, I'm leaving in 10 minutes).

Maybe it's the small things.  I'm not going to be good at being single overnight - not after years of being either in a relationship or being really really bad at being single.  Hopefully, these checks will move me in the right direction.

And I'm not allowed to read until all are checked off.  Yes, I always supply plenty of carrots with my sticks.

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