So, I've hit a few walls lately. Work continues to be depressingly slow and hopeless, which leads to even more stress (although a newfound love of frugal cooking). A nagging pain in my foot took me to a doctor where I was told not to run until we can figure out what all the random bone fragments are doing lodged in the side of my right foot. And the blahs have not lifted, even if the cold is bearable. Washing my hair and shaving my legs feels challenging too, although I know it's partially as a defense to temptation to having any man near my unkempt self.
And thus, a couple setbacks as far as communications with last guy. Although they've been short and haven't really led to anything coming toward hanging out in the future (because, I won't let it, and because, more horribly, he hasn't been suggesting such an idea lately) I know they are a relapse directly related to how lost I feel.
But, I think there is hope still. I have wonderful friends who understand why I tearfully freaked out about not being able to run. There's still Russian (I had forgotten that Rosetta Stone is ridiculously fun, although since it is also ridiculously expensive, I do a lot of reviewing). And, after finding an old violin in my mother's closet when I was home, potentially a new hobby. I've missed making music. Not that I was ever great or have intentions of playing in front of strangers, but there is something zen about being in the moment, practicing, building on basics and improving. I realize this is what all the hobbies I am leaning toward right now are about - perceptible progress. And I also realize this is what my career lacks, which I think is why it is making me so miserable.
And reading. I am still tearing through books, escaping in that way every evening before hitting the sack. My dog's warm little body has taken up residence in my bed, and that makes me feel tender, happy, and slightly less alone.
And I updated this blog, something I have been needing to do. Even these last few paragraphs made me feel better. One of my sponsors stumbled across another eighty six days of a girl on a quest to lose weight. It is only her "before" pics - in underwear no less - and two other entries. From 2009. I will not be this girl.