I have to admit, this project is killing me in some ways. No more deviations except returning a Merry Christmas text with a "you too!". But between work going to hell and my brain spinning with what-to-do-when-I'm-unemployed checklist, spending Christmas with my parents' tense-filled power struggle of a marriage and no one to hear my frustrations on that score during pillow talk, and a weird moody gloom that I am having a hard time summing up the gumption to kick in the balls, I am feeling alone.
I should probably just masturbate, but I think at this moment it will actually make me feel even more alone.
Perhaps it was all the Christmas engagements that did it. And a lot of them were the second ones for a lot of friends - some younger than me. Really, am I that undesirable? The whole world is conspiring to say "yep."
On the long drive home from a most unsatisfactory Christmas, this song came on my ipod. Thanks Liz Phair for summing me up right now.
Fuck and Run - Liz Phair