As a result of not being able to take birth control, yet being in a lot of long term relationship based on the rhythm method, I am scarily attuned to which point my body is in the whole month. And right now it is full on PMS phase. The type that makes me want to drop to my knees and hold myself in existential loneliness and have someone wrap their whole being around me while in a horizontal position.
I also realized today that this emotional/hormonal wave occurs at my peak ovulation point.
Ah, I get it. Nature moves us to desperation and loneliness so that we move toward someone in order to reproduce. Fuck you, ovary, now that I've figured out your great connivance I am spending the rest of the evening packing for some time away from the city instead of pining for what is simply an annoying (and for me, unneeded) biological process.
I should probably just masturbate, but I don't think that will help at this point. Besides, I spent a couple of hours last night researching being a nun, and I might as well just get used to it.
I also discovered that the order of nuns I am most interested in joining requires you to keep a journal about the times you hear the "calling" to be a nun. I feel like this blog might do it in part.