Thursday, December 15, 2011

Day Fourteen : Hugs

I am having a debate with one of my sponsors about the not masturbating part of this whole celibacy thing.  I would agree that she has a point - I have already put the energy in the same places I put it prior to celibacy vow and right now, with work being slow and other lack of stimulation (just books books books and running running running), I still have all the energy inside with no new place to direct it.  I take that back, there are new places to direct it, I just need to figure what they can be.  Or direct it harder to the old places.  Point being, I haven't given up, although I really thought the higher mileage on my running would do it.  Triathlon next?  No, no.  Not yet.

Her point was the unintended result of giving up getting off is that it makes me miss certain people, who, while I am still being good about daring not to speak their name, still linger a little bit.  My fear is that breaking that vow to myself isnt' really going to change that.  Even if I were to substitute some other visage for the main character, it's still thinking about men, and again, no men-thinking-about.  Enough already.  I've made it two weeks.  72 more days of this is not going to kill me.  But if it does, I hope it's by spontaneous combustion so they can finally figure out that's what is causing it and save a few lives or something.

Anyway, back to the theme of today and my earlier "touch" entry.  I need good non-sexual hugs.  So, readers of this - the privileged few who are near and dear to me - send me lots of hugs, as many as you can.  Not lame one-amed hugs, but big bear hugs and cheek smooches.  Happliy family totally non-sexual (I swear) hugs.  Besides showing support through time of other doubts in my life, it's keeping this monkey from fading or doing other unhealthy monkey-like things.

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